Tuesday, November 15, 2016

New Posts On Pig Tales. #Narcissism


 For Sixteen years I have not seen my mother, This is surreal.
Having a narcissist for a parent is  difficult, confusing and taxing. Here is an excerpt of the newest posts on PigTales.

  In 2000 my grandmother turned 80.
  Our family gathered, we traveled 400 miles to see her and my mom was there along with her husband. I don't remember if she lived there or back in Wyoming at that time. I remember the photos of everyone around grandma, she wore a red sweater, she had lovely white hair and she smiled. That makes me laugh because grandma didn't have a natural smile for photos, a stiff, teeth bearing almost painful grimace. We would all laugh at it because she had a natural lovely smile, but, when the camera came out....it disappeared.
  My aunt orchestrated the in-law and outlaw photo sessions poking fun of those married in, as she was. It made no matter, my aunts and uncles through marriage our as much our blood as anyone could ever be. I really don't remember a lot about the visit other than it was a nice time and it was the last time I saw my mother. 
  No. She is still alive.
As a mother of two the thought of not seeing my child for sixteen years...sixteen! I would be heartbroken, deeply heartbroken.  As a grandma to an angel baby I would give anything that my daughter never would have had to go through that heartache, that I also could have never felt that deep piercing pain. I would move hell and high water to see my child, to hug them, to tell them I loved them. I would slay any dragon for my son and my daughter.
  But that is not so for my mother. She was content to not see me, and so I became safe in not seeing her. We talked from time to time, less frequently as the years faded away. Phone calls were stressful. When you speak with a narcissist, you walk a fine line, you must not offend which means you cannot disagree- with anything. You must praise, repeatedly, every thought they have, you must compliment every act they have achieved and you must NOT expect any accolades for yourself. In fact, when talking to a narcissist you need to just leave yourself behind.  Our calls were nothing more than her complaining about who did what to her, how awful so and so was and a myriad of hypochondriac complaints.
 Endless complaints.
Exhausting complaints.

Read More HERE



blessings and thanks for visiting

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Furniture Projects uhm...where have I been!


It has been forever since I posted much of what has kept me busy.
Blogging has taken a bit of a hiatus. I thought I would just pop in to show you some projects that will be at our show this weekend in Fargo ND.
Maybe I will finally get around to some more posts! You can always follow along on facebook page Junkflirt or on Instagram since I post there almost daily!!



for now, here is a taste of some of mine and my husband's latest work.

a fun spin on some old table tennis paddles


Using The Graphics Fairy for accents on signs and furniture. I will be teaching a workshop on this at this weekend' s Junk Market.



This one is all the Junk Hunks work. A fun man cave shelf!


 

Painting with Miss Mustard Seed Milk Paint, this dresser/buffet piece crackled to perfection!




Sometimes you stay as close to natural as possible. We salvage some pretty far gone pieces, that is why we often paint them, however occasionally there is enough of the piece left to keep it more original. Perhaps my next post will be some before and afters!



I happen to love the look of paint and wood, the base of the table was oak that had seen better days, it had been previously painted and had really weathered in storage, the top however was tiger wood and worth the refinish effort, the drawer is tiger laminate.

So, that is what keeps me busy, plus a bit of jewelry making and my new hobby of  SOAP MAKING!!  I will post about that too! ( or at least that is my plan- you see how that works out!)
thanks to anyone who has hung with me, glad to see you still here!

blessings and thanks for visiting

Chocolate




A year ago today we knew Larisa would check into the hospital in the morning, It was Sunday and Caleb was scheduled to enter this world Monday morning. It was also grandparents day, We got a card and a bag of chocolates from Larisa and Trace and Caleb.

That next morning, we waited- until we heard- we knew there would be issues, but we just didn't know how severe they would be. So many of you hit your knees in payer, and we thank you deeply. 
God answered our prayers differently than we had hoped, he chose to take Caleb home, to live a life without pain and struggle. Caleb left and we were left with that pain and struggle.
My heart hurt so deeply, my throat had a lump the size of a fist, my eyes were swollen with tears and I was in a fog as we drove home from the hospital that night.
I watched my child hold her child as he left this world. I saw the deepest pain in their eyes and I could barely breathe. 


Some days, I don't cry, most days I still have a few tears. Some days that lump in my throat comes back, the one that hurts from trying to stop the pain in your heart from rising, it gets stuck right there, the tears come, the deep sigh and soon that lump withers. 


I love chocolate, too much in fact, but that bag stayed in my cupboard until November. I just couldn't.....One day, I opened it and had a sweet piece. Part of me felt guilty as though I should have that bag forever, part of me felt free in accepting his passing. Still I wish tomorrow we would be watching him pull himself up and giggle and open his own presents, and eat chocolate.
But, we will celebrate him in a different way. We will celebrate that we knew him if only for a moment. We will celebrate his strength and love in the presence of his Savior. We will celebrate his healing.
I thank God for his strength and for watching him hold up Larisa Nicole Waterworth and Trace Waterworth, they have been an inspiration to me.


Forest Gump's momma had it right when she said, "life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get." Sometimes you don't get what you want, you can spit it out and be bitter, or you can take what sweetness is there, swallow hard, and carry on.
















blessings and thanks for visiting

Thursday, March 17, 2016

To Heaven and Back


   For 3 years now we have been vendors of vintage and re-purposed items, part of the reason I have been such a bad blogger lately! Sometimes a show is slow...or gets slow and vendors begin to chat with one another. We find commonalities, humor, venting sessions and God stories.

  I love you to the moon and back.
    A saying that was painted on a piece of child's furniture, when a woman looked at it and came over to us and said-
" I love you to the moon and back, I said that to my grandchild. You just can't believe how much love you have for a grandchild."
 Maybe she thought we were too young for grandchildren. I suppose if in the right light, and the right head tilt, and an appropriate angle to hide my 3 chins, one may not know my next birthday will be 50!!
She went on to tell us a story, how when her grandchild was born she thought she loved him as high as the mountains, but that wasn't high enough. She loved him as deep as the ocean, but that wasn't deep enough.
  She loved him as high as the sky and back.....but that wasn't enough.
 then she said,

He passed away at 8 years old,
         and she thought I love you all the way to heaven and back.
She told us how her daughter had a sibling to that grandchild, and that he died at 2.
By this time my eyes were welling with tears, you see, she didn't know we lost our first and so far only grand baby just 6 months ago.

 She said that they found they had a rare disease when little Caleb passed away.
She didn't know our grand baby was named Caleb.
She didn't know he had a rare disease.
But God knew she and I would be there, together, speaking to one another about how deep the love of a grand child was. Even when you only got to hold him one time after he left this earth and was already in the arms of Jesus.

We talked, and cried, shared our stories, our heartbreak and a couple hugs.

As time goes on the ebb and flow of grief becomes part of who you are, it resides in you. It is always there.
 After Caleb's funeral my daughter and I walked up and down the block, it was September and the air was cool, the sun was warm and the leaves were colorful and crisp. Fall is our favorite time of year. Fall seems more homey, blankets and cocoa, fireplaces and soup, snuggles and sleep. The Fall sun shines differently, it envelops you, saying stay here...where it is warm, winter is approaching.

Fall is that time when Summer goes to sleep, and the deep chill of winter looms ahead.

Grief is like that, memories of Summer and fear of winter.



 My daughter drew this photo of  King Theoden from The Lord of the Rings. He was grieving the death of his child
in the movie he says, "No parent should have to bury their child."
She left the drawing unfinished
               because grief is unfinished.

For some reason the last month has been more difficult for me, I guess that is to be expected, better times and worse times. In the worse times, God sent a grandma that knew exactly what it felt like to loose a grandchild and to have a child of your own grieving so deeply. Someone to help express what cannot be expressed fully.

  God gives us Fall, warm, golden, and comforting, God gives us winter- slow and dark when we are tempted to stay inside, isolated and protected, God gives us Spring after winter to show us how much he renews all things, even all that has gone cold.... all that has passed away.
When Fall comes again, it will be one year after Caleb came to us and left us. It will be bittersweet. The air will be cold and the sun will be warm and the earth will be bursting with beauty as it prepares for a long sleep. We will be tempted to stay there, but we cannot.

 Caleb- I  miss you as deep as the ocean and I love you to heaven and back.


My daughters blog Dear Caleb
https://dearcalebblog.wordpress.com/





blessings and thanks for visiting
Shannon

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