Caleb Daniel was born on September 14, 2015, and we loved him.
A little less than 10 hours later, he went away.
The Friday after our precious baby left this earth we had a memorial service, our pastor asked what music my daughter and son in law would like; The numbness did not allow us to choose, so we left it up to him.
He chose one song to sing.
It Is Well With My Soul
My daughter said to me, "That is my favorite hymn."
Jake did not know that, but God did.
We were unable to sing the words, in fact I may never be able to sing them again, but I know those words to be true.
Caleb was loved from the moment he was conceived, this is what a friend said to me. She was right. We all knew from the first ultrasound that something was wrong, that there would be challenges. It became a roller coaster of misdiagnosis, partial diagnosis, and best and hopeful prognosis. Soon we knew Skeletal Dysplasia was our reality. We learned that this broad term referred to Dwarfism and that it entailed over 300 disorders associated with it. It became apparent Caleb was going to be on the very rare side.
Our family was not angry, we were sad. We did not know what the future would hold but we went on... Waiting and hoping to meet him.
Looking back, every sign was there that sweet Caleb would probably not stay here long, but it didn't matter, it did not consume us.
It was well with our soul.
When he came we knew immediately things were not going to go as we had hoped.
It was a beautiful day, and the saddest day of our existence.
Caleb was surrounded by those who loved him when he finally came into the room. Knowing his time was short, I watched my daughter hold her first born child until he passed away.
My heart ached to a depth unknown.
One can cry so deeply that it feels as though every ounce of your energy has left your body.
A tired I have never experienced set in; That same tiredness comes still, even with only a few tears.
Those tears come from a deep, deep well.
And yet, it is well with my soul.
Your heart can bleed and ache
. Your eyes can swell.
Your body can hurt.
Your mind can question and you may want to scream and smash away every emotion.
You can know today we should be tired from a fussy baby, and we should be fighting with a stroller that won't fold up and go into the car!
You can gasp and loose your breathe when you find the bibs and bumbo you tucked away.
You can cry and cry and cry when you know there is a closed door to a beautiful nursery with an empty crib and a Pooh bear in a rocker.
You can die inside......
And it can still be well with your soul.
Because not for a moment did God not KNOW that Caleb would touch our lives so deeply. That he would be missed so much and that He would take him home so soon.
God knew that he would be our rock.
God knew that he would provide a peace that cannot be understood.
God knew that we would mourn and tire so deeply. He knew we would be here for each other, that he had surrounded us with friends that loved us.
He knew that Caleb would be free from physical burdens and whole in his arms.
But first he let us love him. He let us feel the depth of pain he felt when his son died on the cross.
He let us know that all life is precious, that all life is fleeting, that we should love, and hug one another and be there for each other.
He let us know that life is so very hard and in that storm, in that despair, in the deepest place of loss, it can be well with our soul.
Forever Caleb's grandma
October is Infant Loss Awareness and Dwarfism Awareness month.
- When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
It is well with my soul,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
- Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blest assurance control,
That Christ hath regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
- My sin—oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!—
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
- For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
If Jordan above me shall roll,
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
- But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
- And Lord, haste the day when the faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
Horatio G. Spafford, 1873
blessings and thanks for visiting