For 3 years now we have been vendors of vintage and re-purposed items, part of the reason I have been such a bad blogger lately! Sometimes a show is slow...or gets slow and vendors begin to chat with one another. We find commonalities, humor, venting sessions and God stories.
I love you to the moon and back.
A saying that was painted on a piece of child's furniture, when a woman looked at it and came over to us and said-
" I love you to the moon and back, I said that to my grandchild. You just can't believe how much love you have for a grandchild."
Maybe she thought we were too young for grandchildren. I suppose if in the right light, and the right head tilt, and an appropriate angle to hide my 3 chins, one may not know my next birthday will be 50!!
She went on to tell us a story, how when her grandchild was born she thought she loved him as high as the mountains, but that wasn't high enough. She loved him as deep as the ocean, but that wasn't deep enough.
She loved him as high as the sky and back.....but that wasn't enough.
then she said,
He passed away at 8 years old,
and she thought I love you all the way to heaven and back.
She told us how her daughter had a sibling to that grandchild, and that he died at 2.
By this time my eyes were welling with tears, you see, she didn't know we lost our first and so far only grand baby just 6 months ago.
She said that they found they had a rare disease when little Caleb passed away.
She didn't know our grand baby was named Caleb.
She didn't know he had a rare disease.
But God knew she and I would be there, together, speaking to one another about how deep the love of a grand child was. Even when you only got to hold him one time after he left this earth and was already in the arms of Jesus.
We talked, and cried, shared our stories, our heartbreak and a couple hugs.
As time goes on the ebb and flow of grief becomes part of who you are, it resides in you. It is always there.
After Caleb's funeral my daughter and I walked up and down the block, it was September and the air was cool, the sun was warm and the leaves were colorful and crisp. Fall is our favorite time of year. Fall seems more homey, blankets and cocoa, fireplaces and soup, snuggles and sleep. The Fall sun shines differently, it envelops you, saying stay here...where it is warm, winter is approaching.
Fall is that time when Summer goes to sleep, and the deep chill of winter looms ahead.
Grief is like that, memories of Summer and fear of winter.
My daughter drew this photo of King Theoden from The Lord of the Rings. He was grieving the death of his child
in the movie he says, "No parent should have to bury their child."
She left the drawing unfinished
because grief is unfinished.
For some reason the last month has been more difficult for me, I guess that is to be expected, better times and worse times. In the worse times, God sent a grandma that knew exactly what it felt like to loose a grandchild and to have a child of your own grieving so deeply. Someone to help express what cannot be expressed fully.
God gives us Fall, warm, golden, and comforting, God gives us winter- slow and dark when we are tempted to stay inside, isolated and protected, God gives us Spring after winter to show us how much he renews all things, even all that has gone cold.... all that has passed away.
When Fall comes again, it will be one year after Caleb came to us and left us. It will be bittersweet. The air will be cold and the sun will be warm and the earth will be bursting with beauty as it prepares for a long sleep. We will be tempted to stay there, but we cannot.
Caleb- I miss you as deep as the ocean and I love you to heaven and back.
My daughters blog Dear Caleb
blessings and thanks for visiting